Hi, I’m an alcoholic and my name is Jeff. I wasn’t comfortable saying those words for a very long time. I didn’t want them to be true. I didn’t want to be different from my friends and family. I didn’t want to have a disease. Growing up needing nothing, having a loving family, being blessed with some smarts, I would, at least from an outside point of view, have every opportunity to become a successful, happy, and well-established man. My story isn’t that though. For years I struggled with controlling and enjoying my drinking. Drinking too much and too often in University was justifiable, I’m a college kid! Drinking too much and too often when I worked as a server was justifiable, it’s just part of the industry! Drinking too much and too often as a restaurant manager was justifiable, I am under a lot of stress! Unfortunately, when I changed careers, when I went back to school, when I moved to a new city, when I changed friends, when I tried to find something, anything that wouldn’t make my drinking justifiable, I couldn’t. I could justify drinking for anything and fell into a deep depression when 20 years after I started drinking, I finally came to the conclusion that I can’t stop. No. Matter. What.
I tried getting help in 2015. I even went to treatment for 8 months but as soon as I left treatment I was drinking again in three weeks. Now armed with an extraordinary amount of knowledge about alcoholism I figured this was just a hiccup, that I would be able to quit and stay quit again. As it turned out, I was about to sink into an even deeper depression. Having all this knowledge but being unable to quit left me even more full of guilt and shame. I became fully isolated, sneaking through my life with plots and plans on how I could drink without getting caught. This was my full-time job. I kept telling myself, tomorrow will be the day where I will quit. Tomorrow never came. Despite all that I lost during the last 2 years of my life, I never lost the love of my sponsor Michael and my family. When I was finally caught, when my secret life of self-destruction and deceit was exposed, Michael gave me an ultimatum, he was taking me somewhere to get sober or he was out of my life. My mom said I was no longer welcome to stay at her place. It was treatment or the streets for me. I can’t say that I went willingly. I went because I was at the end of the line. A brand-new rock bottom along a rocky road of many bottoms.
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The place Michael took me too was Revolution Recovery Society. I remember in my first week I broke down and said that I didn’t think I could do this again. One of the other clients heard me and said ‘You got this! I love you’. From that small token of love and hope I started to rebuild myself. I asked our director Devin what I should do, because I was out of answers. He told me to take all the suggestions they had for me. To trust the process laid out for me. To be kind to myself. To help the other clients. To treat the house as my own. Days became weeks, weeks became months. Revolution didn’t lock me down, they allowed me to discover a program of recovery, based on the 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous, that worked for me. They gave me freedom and dignity again while lovingly kept me on the right path. Today I live in the second stage house and cannot believe the life I have already after only 6 months. I am working in the industry I am passionate about, film and television. I have joy, gratitude, and love in my heart. My anxiety has slipped away. Revolution allows me to give back by hosting an AA big book study once a week at the house. I have friends who love and accept me just the way I am. I have lost the obsession to drink and replaced it with a desire to help others. Whatever the future now holds for me, I know it is filled with hope as I travel the path of happy destiny. Thank you, Revolution Recovery Society.
